And Amy Chua is back in the news. The Yale law professor caused a stir this winter with the publishing of her book
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, a memoir about her strict, Chinese parenting style. Chua's children were not allowed play dates or sleepovers, watch TV or play video games, had to play violin or piano, and could not choose their own extra-curricular activities (these are only a few of the major bullet points in Chua's "Chinese parent" philosophy.) Professor Chua stated that this philosophy is the reason for the success and excellence Chinese children, the reason for the true stereotype of Chinese geniuses and math whizzes. She gave her children as proof of the success of her methods: her oldest daughter Sophia gave a performance in Carnegie hall at the age of 14, and her younger daughter Louisa is excelling on the same path as her older sister. Now, as if to further prove Chua's point, Sophia has just been accepted into Harvard. ...because of Amy's strict parenting techniques..???
The
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother caused an uproar because of Chua's harsh tactics, often calling her children "garbage" , screaming at them for getting less than an A in school, and not worrying about her girls' self esteem. Although I can hardly agree with her strategy, is there something to say for actually being the "parent" in the relationship with your child? Not her best friend? After all, best friend is not the role of the mother or father, is it?
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-tiger-mothers-daughter-gets-into-harvard-was-it-worth-it/
The above blog takes on a different view than the majority responses to Chua's memoir. And I think I agree with it. Professor Chua's take on parenting is harsh, to say the least, and I do not think that guilt and degradation should play a role in parenting, but it is a little refreshing in the age of no responsibility, to see parents actually being parents. Isn't that how it should be? Parents disciplining, loving--sometimes tough-love--demanding manners and hard work...not excusing horrible behavior and always coddling them? My parents were always my parents first; "stricter" than many of my friends' parents. But now that I am grown and about to be on my own, I am so thankful for that. And my Mom and Dad are now my best friends.
What do you think? Is there a strand of truth in Amy Chua's stance on being the "parent" first?
Thanks for revisiting the Tiger Mom controversy -- and for raising the question of how to parent vs. be a friend -- it's such a sticky line to walk, I fear (luckily, I'm not quite there [having to deal with it] yet...)
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